In last week's episode of EZ Conversations, I had the opportunity to speak with Sara Troy, someone I have had the great pleasure of speaking with many times recently. We discussed Sara's journey of moving to different countries, motherhood, divorce, and now her role as a grandmother. Sara is a veteran in the podcasting space, with over 14 years of releasing episodes. We explored the role of wisdom in society, especially given that Sara's podcast is titled Self-Discovery Wisdom, and I have also had the honour of being a guest.

We also discussed a project Sara undertook with multiple contributors; the outcome was a book titled Our Forgotten Children. We spoke about the role we have to play as adults in helping our youth and the next generation build resilience, while also equipping them with tools to support their ongoing growth and autonomy. We finally touched on the role of faith in everyone's life, and how we should encourage children to explore what faith can look like—without attaching shame to that exploration.

As I reflected on my conversation with Sara, I read Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's incredible book, King, Warrior, Magician and Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, on my flight to Detroit, and then attended the 18th annual Muslim Mental Health Conference. Something kept resurfacing.

In all my conversations during the weekend-long conference, the role of healers was emphasized—but the healer must also seek healing. In many of my discussions, we also emphasized the support youth need as they navigate the world, and the lack of resilience we are beginning to observe at times. Many ideas were brainstormed, but the common theme that emerged was the need for an intentional rite-of-passage process for both boys and girls as they enter adulthood—and how we must support this transition, nurture adolescent growth, and manage the shame that is often projected onto them.

However, that only happens if we, as adults, have done our own work. Whether we realize it or not, we carry a significant responsibility in shaping how adolescents come to understand themselves and the world around them.

Adolescence is not just a phase—it is a critical developmental bridge.

From a psychological perspective, this period represents the formation of identity, autonomy, and a sense of belonging. It is where individuals begin to ask deeper questions:

When this transition is supported intentionally, adolescents develop a stronger sense of self, improved emotional regulation, and a deeper capacity for resilience. They begin to internalize confidence—not because life is easy, but because they feel equipped to navigate it.

But when this transition is neglected, rushed, or suppressed, the consequences can carry into adulthood:

This is where the absence of a meaningful rite of passage becomes evident. Without it, many young people are left to figure out adulthood on their own—often without guidance, mentorship, or a clear sense of direction.

Resilience cannot be given—it must be developed.

And it is developed through experience. Through challenge. Through moments where discomfort is not avoided, but understood and integrated.

Yet, in many cases, we unintentionally interrupt this process.

We overprotect. We overcorrect. We remove struggle before it has the chance to teach.

And while this may come from a place of care, it can leave adolescents unprepared for the realities they will inevitably face.

This is what I mean when I reflect on the idea that resilience is not earned.

Not because young people are incapable—but because the conditions required to build resilience are not always present.

This is not solely the responsibility of parents.

It is the responsibility of the community.

Historically, the transition into adulthood was not something that happened in isolation. It was supported by elders, mentors, and community structures that helped guide young people through this process.

Today, much of that has been lost.

And as a result, many adolescents are navigating one of the most important transitions of their lives without the support systems that once existed.

As a community, we must ask ourselves:

Because adolescents are always observing.

They learn not just from what we say—but from how we live.

One of the most powerful themes that emerged for me is this:

We cannot guide the next generation where we have not gone ourselves.

If we have not addressed our own wounds, insecurities, and unresolved experiences, we risk passing them on—often unconsciously.

This is where the role of the “healer” becomes important.

To support the next generation, we must also commit to our own growth.

To create emotionally safe environments, we must first understand our own emotional patterns.

To reduce shame in others, we must confront the shame we carry within ourselves.

Perhaps shaping the future generation is not about controlling outcomes or removing all difficulty.

Perhaps it is about walking alongside them.

Allowing them to struggle—but not alone. Allowing them to question—but without fear. Allowing them to grow—without shame.

And most importantly, helping them understand that resilience is not about avoiding hardship—

It is about developing the capacity to move through it.

The future is not something we wait for.

It is something we are actively shaping—through how we show up for the next generation today.

And the question we must continue to ask ourselves is:

Are we raising individuals who are prepared for the world… or are we preparing them to transform it?

🎧 Listen to the full episode here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4R5zYKrQwlAataj9tVM8iG?si=wijuCEqVSCeA8O9641Ekhw

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What role do you believe we, as a community, should play in shaping the next generation?

Head to YouTube for the full episode. Or Subscribe below:

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