The Most Important Question to Ask
When the world feels chaotic, it is easy to become overwhelmed, doubtful, or paralyzed by uncertainty. The walls can begin to close in. Yet even in those moments, we still have a choice.
This was the exact point Sarah Wilson made during our conversation last week on the EZ Conversations podcast. At one point, Sarah referenced Nora Bateson and encouraged everyone to pause and ask themselves, "Who do I want to be in this moment?" It is a profound question because it allows us to reclaim our agency, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in. As Sarah highlights, we are all meaning-making creatures.
Throughout our conversation, we explored Sarah's latest book, I Eat the Stars, why she moved to Paris to write it, and how she drew inspiration from many of the writers who sought refuge there during uncertain periods of history. Rather than presenting easy answers, Sarah invites readers into an exploration of uncertainty itself. She also discusses what she describes as the three deaths that few people are talking about, one of which is the death of many of the systems we have long taken for granted.
Sarah also challenged the idea of hope itself. She suggested that hope can sometimes become passive, leaving us waiting for someone else to solve the problem. Instead, she encourages us to reclaim our agency by asking a different question. Rather than waiting for certainty to arrive, we are invited to decide who we want to be, right now, regardless of what is unfolding around us.
As I reflected on my conversation with Sarah, I began noticing the quality of my own thoughts. Some thoughts moved me toward action, while others quietly pulled me toward inaction. When I consciously noticed the thoughts that were not serving me and chose not to let them take root, I found I had far more influence over how I experienced my days. The circumstances had not changed, but my relationship with them had.
I found myself sharing this same reflection with clients. I encouraged them to observe what other people were doing without immediately judging or personalizing it. More often than not, we are not responding to reality itself, but to the story we create about reality. Those stories are frequently shaped by our own emotional state. As one of my mentors often reminds me, we see the world as we are.
When we constantly look outside ourselves for validation, identity, or direction, we place ourselves in a difficult position. We begin asking the world to tell us who we are. External validation becomes a treadmill that keeps us moving but never quite arriving. It prevents us from experiencing genuine contentment. But when we strip away the need for others to define our worth, who are we? Are we content with what remains?
Perhaps, then, the question is not what is happening around us or what everyone else is doing.
The more important question is the one Sarah invites us all to ask:
Who do I want to be in this moment?

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“The world will ask you who you are, and if you don't know, the world will tell you”
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