In last week's episode of EZ Conversations, I had the opportunity to explore the impact of relational trauma on men with James Stamatelos. James shared his experience of being impacted by the choices certain men were making and how they were being targeted for radicalization, which led him to the path of joining counterterrorism. What James started to understand was the source of the pain that men were experiencing, which was causing them to harm others. Unfortunately, that pain is preyed upon by others for their benefit or gain, but ultimately, we need to offer a place of empathy and compassion for it. James explained the role of relational trauma in his own life and how someone who took the time to understand his pain shifted everything for him. As James points out in the episode, to truly understand why men can resort to these acts, we must understand their grievance and connect with them on a relational level, because somewhere there was relational trauma.

As I reflected on my conversation with James and the conversations I have had with men, I started to see the isolation that has been created for and by men. This is not a new phenomenon, but it is becoming more apparent that many men are feeling isolated and alone in their struggles. These struggles come in different shapes and forms, but many men feel they are going at it alone, unable to connect with others or ask for help, or that they might be a burden if they do. At its root is the perceived shame that gets internalized. The shame, unfortunately, continues to create more separation from oneself, loved ones, society, and family. It becomes a cycle—one that reinforces silence, disconnection, and emotional suppression.

So what do we do?

I was fortunate enough this past weekend to be invited to a small get-together of young men in the early stages of forming a reading circle, gathering to learn from books rich in wisdom. What I observed was a sense of connection, brotherhood, and curiosity about learning and growing. I was grateful to experience the reading circle firsthand, and it showed me that young men are doing their part. They are overcoming the challenges set before them by culture or society, and if they want it, they can pursue the connection available to become leaders. It does not have to be complicated; all it takes is a few small steps and some initiative. It reminded me of the initiative my friend Kirk Coburn and I took to start a men’s group. It did not take much, and the people who needed to find it did.

And perhaps that is where the shift begins.

Healing relational trauma does not always start in a therapist’s office. Sometimes, it begins in a living room, a circle, or a simple conversation where a man feels safe enough to be seen without judgment. A small community of like-minded individuals can become a powerful catalyst for change. In these spaces, men begin to realize they are not alone in their struggles. They start to give language to what was once silent. They begin to witness others—without comparison, without competition—and, in doing so, slowly rebuild trust not only with others but within themselves.

Initiative matters.

Because waiting for the “perfect” system, program, or solution often keeps men stuck. But when even one or two individuals decide to create space—whether it’s a reading circle, a weekly check-in, or a men’s group—they disrupt the isolation. They create a counter-narrative to shame. They offer something many men have not experienced in a long time: connection without condition.

From a psychological perspective, this is where healing begins. Relational trauma occurs in relationships, and it is often in relationships that it must be repaired. Safe, consistent, and attuned connections allow men to process shame, regulate emotions, and develop a stronger sense of identity and belonging. Over time, what was once a source of pain can become a pathway for growth.

If we want to address the deeper issues impacting men today, we cannot do it alone. Nor can we rely solely on systems that often feel out of reach. Sometimes, all it takes is a few men willing to sit together, speak honestly, and listen deeply.

That is where change begins.

Head to YouTube for the full episode. Or Subscribe below:

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