Beyond Brawn: The Importance of Mental, Spiritual and Relational Health for Modern Masculinity

Last week, I had the honour of bringing back someone who has become a friend and mentor, Dr. Stephen Poulter, on the podcast (Listen Here). We discussed the intricacies of masculinity and how the term masculine has become a trend. We also focused on Dr. Poulter's upcoming book, Modern Masculinity, and drew out several takeaways from the book. Men are being told to be more masculine and shown a prescriptive approach to masculinity; however, while the intentions are good, there is a pervasive sense of isolation and shame that comes for men who do not fit the box of these definitions. There are many people on social platforms simply preaching to men to go to the gym, lift weights, get "ripped" or "jacked," and magically, their problems will disappear. Exercise, resistance training, combat sports, and weight lifting have tremendous benefits, not only for the body but also for the mind. I partake in all these activities. However, having a "masculine" physique does not get one there. There needs to be an aspect of emotional regulation that plays a huge factor. Additionally, everyone, including men, needs to heal. Often, the conflict and immaturity we see in men are caused by the fact that they have not faced their shadows, nor do they even know where to start with their healing journey.

On the other hand, masculinity has had its share of criticism, and men are called out for toxic traits. There is truth to the toxicity around men who do not know how to channel their aggression and can use it in unhealthy forms. Often, these men have not healed and are dealing with shame. Sometimes, these men have never had role models they could admire and learn from. In other cases, they have no form of stability in life or familial relationships. Finally, some men never get initiated into manhood. Whatever the case, attacking, criticizing, or shaming men does not solve the problem. It pushes them further away into isolation. Unfortunately, that has led to a significant increase in men dying from suicide.

In the podcast episode, Dr. Poulter and I discussed how men must prioritize their physical, mental and spiritual health. Dr. Poulter also emphasized the value of relationships on top of the other three. What brings it all together is the relationship a man has with himself. Suppose a man is not connected with himself. In that case, he will continue to seek unhealthy forms of validation, acceptance and connection outside of himself, which has become an issue everywhere we look. Failure to prioritize these aspects of life can have devastating consequences, as evidenced by the alarming rise in suicide rates among men.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), suicide is a major global public health issue, and men are disproportionately affected by it. In many countries, the suicide rate among men is significantly higher than that of women. For example, in the United States, men are nearly four times more likely to die by suicide than women, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). This stark disparity highlights a critical issue: men are struggling, and traditional notions of masculinity may be contributing to their reluctance to seek help or address their mental health concerns.

One of the factors exacerbating this crisis is the narrow definition of masculinity that emphasizes physical strength and emotional stoicism while discouraging vulnerability and emotional expression. Society often reinforces these ideals through media, advertising, and cultural norms, perpetuating the notion that men should suppress their emotions and tough them out when faced with challenges. As a result, many men find themselves trapped in a cycle of silence and suffering, unable to seek support or acknowledge their struggles.

Furthermore, the hyper-focus on physical appearance, particularly through the lens of fitness and bodybuilding culture, can create additional pressure on men to conform to unrealistic standards. While exercise and maintaining a healthy physique are important aspects of self-care, they should not be prioritized at the expense of mental and spiritual well-being. Neglecting these dimensions of health can lead to feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and disconnection from oneself and others.

To address these issues, it is essential to redefine masculinity and promote a more holistic approach to self-care. Men must recognize that true strength lies in physical prowess and emotional resilience, self-awareness, and the ability to cultivate meaningful connections with others. This shift in mindset requires challenging deeply ingrained beliefs about masculinity and embracing vulnerability as a source of strength rather than weakness.

In addition to fostering a healthy relationship with oneself, men must also prioritize their relationships with others, including friends, family, and romantic partners. Strong social connections protect against mental health issues and can provide invaluable support during times of crisis. Investing time and effort into building and maintaining these relationships is essential for overall well-being.

Moreover, cultivating a sense of purpose and meaning in life, whether through spiritual practices, hobbies, or career pursuits, can significantly contribute to mental and emotional resilience. Research has shown that individuals with a strong sense of purpose are less likely to experience depression and are better equipped to cope with adversity.

As we strive to address the crisis of masculinity and combat the rising suicide rates among men, we must prioritize mental and spiritual health alongside physical fitness. By challenging outdated stereotypes, promoting open dialogue about emotions, and fostering supportive communities, we can create a more inclusive and compassionate vision of masculinity that celebrates the multidimensional nature of human experience.

The modern man cannot afford to prioritize physical appearance at the expense of mental and spiritual well-being. Ignoring the importance of these aspects of health perpetuates harmful stereotypes and contributes to a crisis of masculinity characterized by loneliness, isolation, and despair. By embracing vulnerability, nurturing meaningful relationships, and cultivating a sense of purpose, men can redefine masculinity in a way that honours their humanity and promotes holistic well-being. While we are making progress in this space and having conversations in this domain, how can we continue to have the dialogue and bring everyone together?

Sources:

1. World Health Organization (WHO). Suicide data. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/suicide-data

2. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Suicide Statistics. Retrieved from https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics

3. Ogrodniczuk, J. S., Oliffe, J. L., & Black, N. (2016). Masculinity and Men's Mental Health: A Review of the Literature. Journal of Men's Health, 12(4), 630–634. doi:10.1016/j.jomh.2016.06.004

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