Cultivating a Deeper Connection with Self

In last week's episode of EZ Reflections, I sat down to speak with Lisa Sugarman (Listen Here), and we discussed the stigma of suicide. The other aspect that came up during our conversation was trauma. In Lisa's story, she had spent 35 years under the impression that her father had passed from a heart attack; however, at the age of 45, she found out that her father had died by suicide. I brought this to Lisa's attention during our conversation that trauma results from our perception of reality being challenged or completely changing. What we believe is true comes into question, which leaves the person questioning everything, and the inability to reconcile this new reality leads to trauma. What is important here is what Lisa did with this traumatic situation; she decided to use it as an opportunity to pivot and become an advocate for mental health. That meant not only talking about mental health but also being vulnerable to share her story.

As I was reflecting on our ability to make a difference in the lives of others because of what we have gone through, I also thought about one's relationship with oneself. Through the work I am doing in the addiction space, I have come to appreciate the drama triangle. I have also realized that we all have our drama going on, and we often pull others into our drama or get pulled into people's drama. When connected to ourselves, we are grounded and recognize when we are getting pulled. Through this deeper connection to self and being grounded, we can also heal through trauma and reach a point where we can support others. Therefore, in this week's edition of EZ Reflections, I wanted to share practical insights into how we can heal through many adverse life situations by connecting to ourselves.

Trauma can fragment our sense of self, leading to feelings of disconnection, confusion, and alienation. When we experience trauma, especially in early life, it can disrupt the normal development of identity and self-awareness. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading expert in trauma research, trauma often leads to a loss of self because the experience overwhelms the mind and body, causing a disintegration of the person’s sense of safety, trust, and identity.

Healing from trauma often requires rebuilding this connection with oneself. This process involves recognizing and integrating the parts of the self that have been dissociated or suppressed due to the traumatic experience.

The Role of Self-Connection in Trauma Recovery

Self-connection involves being attuned to your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. It means understanding your needs, setting boundaries, and cultivating self-compassion. A deeper connection with oneself can provide a sense of grounding and stability, which is essential for trauma recovery.

1. Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Mindfulness is a practice that fosters a deeper connection with the present moment and, by extension, with oneself. Research has shown that mindfulness can significantly reduce symptoms of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) led to a decrease in PTSD symptoms and an increase in self-compassion among trauma survivors . By practicing mindfulness, individuals can become more aware of their internal states, which is crucial for processing and integrating traumatic memories.

2. Self-Compassion: Self-compassion, a concept developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding during difficult times. Research has shown that higher levels of self-compassion are associated with lower levels of PTSD symptoms. In a study published in the Journal of Anxiety, Stress & Coping, self-compassion was found to mediate the relationship between trauma exposure and mental health, suggesting that self-compassion can act as a protective factor against the negative effects of trauma .

3. Journaling and Narrative Therapy: Writing can be a powerful tool for reconnecting with oneself. Journaling allows individuals to express and process their emotions, which can lead to a greater understanding of the self. Narrative therapy, which involves rewriting one's personal story in a way that highlights resilience and strength, has been shown to be effective in helping trauma survivors reframe their experiences and regain a sense of control over their lives .

4. Somatic Experiencing: Trauma is not only stored in the mind but also in the body. Somatic experiencing, a body-oriented therapy developed by Dr. Peter Levine, focuses on releasing the physical tension and stress stored in the body due to trauma. By reconnecting with bodily sensations, individuals can process and release trauma in a way that promotes healing and self-integration .

5. Self-Reflection and Insight: Engaging in regular self-reflection, whether through meditation, therapy, or creative expression, can deepen your understanding of yourself. This process helps in identifying and understanding the ways trauma has shaped your beliefs, behaviors, and identity. Research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology suggests that insight-oriented therapies, which promote self-reflection and self-understanding, can be effective in treating trauma by helping individuals gain a clearer sense of self and purpose .

Practical Steps to Deepen Self-Connection

1. Mindful Meditation: Start with a daily practice of mindful meditation. Focus on your breath, body sensations, and the flow of thoughts without judgment. Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided meditations specifically designed for trauma recovery.

2. Self-Compassion Exercises: Engage in self-compassion exercises such as writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend. This helps in fostering a kinder and more supportive inner dialogue.

3. Journaling: Dedicate time each day to journaling. Reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Over time, this practice can help you identify patterns and gain deeper insights into your trauma and healing process.

4. Seek Professional Help: Therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic experiencing, and narrative therapy can be particularly effective in trauma recovery. A trained therapist can guide you in these practices and help you navigate the complexities of trauma.

5. Creative Expression: Explore creative outlets such as art, music, or dance. These forms of expression can help you process emotions and reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been suppressed by trauma.

References

1. King, A. P., Erickson, T. M., Giardino, N. D., Favorite, T., Rauch, S. A., Robinson, E., ... & Liberzon, I. (2013). A pilot study of group mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) for combat veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Journal of Traumatic Stress, 26(2), 182-191.

2. Thompson, B. L., & Waltz, J. (2008). Self-compassion and PTSD symptom severity. Journal of Anxiety, Stress & Coping, 21(1), 59-68.

3. White, M., & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. Norton & Company.

4. Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.

5. Elliott, R., Watson, J., Goldman, R., & Greenberg, L. S. (2004). Learning Emotion-Focused Therapy: The Process-Experiential Approach to Change. American Psychological Association.

6. Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

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