Identifying and Breaking Free from Dysfunction

Last week, I had the honour of hosting John Poothullil on the EZ Conversations podcast. We dove into the misinformation, disinformation, and missing information about many of our modern illnesses (Listen Here). Our conversation focused on diabetes and then cancer, and what we discussed can be applied to many other ailments we experience. Dr. John identified that many treatments and solutions practiced in Western medicine need more rationale or research data to back them up. Therefore, as consumers or patients, we are also responsible for asking questions and educating ourselves to make informed decisions. Unfortunately, fear drives many decisions and forces people to make choices. At a crucial point in the conversation, Dr. John highlights the dosage rates for insulin and points out why the dosages are the same when people have different body types and exercise routines. This point shows the one-size-fits-all approach that creeps up all around us. Dr. John emphasized the need to question the dysfunction around us as it can present itself as conventional wisdom.

I finally found acceptance and gratitude as I continued navigating a challenging situation. Acceptance for things working out for me from a macroscopic perspective and gratitude for everything happening for me. In that process, I came to realize the dysfunction that was sucking me in. That was the theme for the week and something that continued to come up synchronously in many of my discussions, including in the groups I was facilitating. In my discussions, we concluded that when we are not turning the lens to our healing, it is easy to hyperfocus on the dysfunction around us, including others. By having this self-righteous tendency to feel better than others and proving ourselves, we lose sight that the dysfunction we see mirrors the work we need to do. So how does one get curious and ask: "What can I learn from this?" Many people ask, "What are my guides showing me?" Blaming others and pointing out their dysfunction is easy, but that does not allow for growth. True growth occurs when we turn the focus around and use the trigger we are experiencing to get curious about our dysfunction. When ready, we can move forward on the path of healing. Therefore, in this week's edition of EZ Reflections, I wanted to discuss dysfunction and how we can get curious.

Life is often fraught with dysfunction in relationships, workplaces, or family dynamics. We unconsciously absorb and perpetuate these patterns, becoming enmeshed in the chaos. However, true growth emerges not by remaining hooked on the dysfunction but by stepping back, getting curious, and viewing it as an opportunity for healing and self-discovery.

Let’s explore why people get stuck in these patterns, how curiosity can be a game-changer, and what research says about healing and growth through introspection and resilience.

Why People Get Hooked into Dysfunction

Humans are wired for connection, and our early experiences often shape how we navigate relationships and conflict. Dysfunctional dynamics, such as manipulation, criticism, or neglect, may feel familiar to someone raised in similar conditions, leading to unconscious repetition. Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as repetition compulsion, where individuals recreate past patterns in an attempt to resolve unresolved issues.

Dysfunction can stem from groupthink or toxic leadership in workplaces or social groups, where challenging the status quo feels unsafe. Fear of rejection or loss of stability often keeps people entrenched, even when the situation harms their mental well-being.

The Power of Curiosity in Healing

Curiosity can serve as a transformative tool when navigating dysfunction. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, approaching our experiences with curiosity and kindness enables us to explore painful emotions without judgment. This openness fosters insight and self-awareness, creating space for growth.

Steps to Harness Curiosity:

1. Observe Without Judgment: Instead of reacting emotionally, step back to observe the situation. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" and "What might this situation teach me?"

2. Identify Patterns: Reflect on whether the dysfunction mirrors any past experiences. Are you responding to the current issue, or is it triggering unresolved wounds?

3. Ask Questions: Explore why the dysfunction exists. Is it rooted in unmet needs, lack of boundaries, or unhealthy dynamics? Asking "What’s really going on here?" can shift your perspective from victimhood to empowerment.

4. Seek Support: Healing often requires community. Therapy, coaching, or peer support can help you identify blind spots and gain clarity.

Healing and Growth: What Research Shows

1. Resilience and Post-Traumatic Growth: Research shows that adversity, including exposure to dysfunction, can lead to significant personal growth. The concept of post-traumatic growth (PTG) refers to the positive psychological change experienced after struggling with challenging circumstances. According to a 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, PTG is fostered by self-reflection and developing a deeper understanding of one’s values and priorities.

2. The Role of Boundaries in Healing: Setting healthy boundaries is critical in disentangling oneself from dysfunction. A study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (2020) highlighted that individuals who set clear emotional boundaries experienced lower stress levels and higher relationship satisfaction. Boundaries create the necessary space to process emotions and prioritize self-care.

3. Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Mindfulness practices can also be pivotal in navigating dysfunction. A 2018 Behavior, Research and Therapy study found that mindfulness improved emotional regulation, reducing reactivity to external stressors and enabling individuals to respond thoughtfully. Curiosity is a cornerstone of mindfulness, allowing individuals to approach challenges with a sense of wonder rather than fear.

4. The Importance of Meaning-Making: Viktor Frankl, a renowned psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, emphasized that finding meaning in suffering is essential for healing. Modern research echoes this. A 2021 study in Clinical Psychology Review found that individuals who engaged in meaning-making processes during stressful times experienced better psychological outcomes, including increased resilience and reduced anxiety.

Practical Ways to Heal and Grow

• Journaling for Clarity: Writing down thoughts and feelings can help you uncover recurring themes and beliefs tied to dysfunction. Reflective prompts like “What can I learn from this situation?” or “How is this shaping my growth?” encourage curiosity.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself as you would a dear friend. Remind yourself that growth is not linear, and it’s okay to stumble.

• Embrace Therapy or Coaching: Professional guidance can illuminate unconscious patterns and provide tools for healthier interactions.

• Engage in Growth-Oriented Practices: Explore mindfulness, gratitude, or body-based modalities like yoga to reconnect with your inner self.

References

1. Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. HarperCollins.

2. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.

3. Holman, E. A., & Silver, R. C. (2019). Adversity, resilience, and posttraumatic growth: Introduction to the special issue. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 2102.

4. Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual. Guilford Press.

5. Frankl, V. E. (1985). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.

6. Schaefer, L., & Moos, R. (2020). The influence of boundaries on relationship satisfaction. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 46(2), 245-260.

7. Garland, E. L., et al. (2018). Mindfulness training and emotional regulation. Behavior Research and Therapy, 101, 13-23.

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