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The Gift of Parenting

Last week, I had the incredible opportunity to share a conversation with Richard Ramos on the EZ Conversations podcast (Listen Here). Richard shared his journey of being raised by a single mother in Northeast Los Angeles, where he had his share of troubles and involvement in gangs. However, he shared his gratitude for his mother's role in instilling values that carried him through and allowed him to mentor other youth and for founding Parents on a Mission. His vision revolves around guiding parents to instill similar values in their children and resilience so these youth can go out into the world and serve their communities. There was something profound about the outlook Richard shared, and something I truly resonate with. Parenting can be difficult, and it can be easy to allow our children to remain infantile and protected from danger. After all, who wants to see their child get hurt? However, what we end up sending out into the world is a child who is not differentiated and not resilient to weather the storms of life.

As I continued to reflect on my upbringing and my role as a father, I found there is a fine line between the devouring parent and one who has to exhibit tough love—the emphasis is on the word love. Very similar to the instantly gratifying choices we tend to navigate daily, the option to succumb to the easy parenting route is one of those as well. Discipline is not meant to be easy, and neither is parenting. But too much force and compulsion can also lead to tyranny. Therefore, as parents, we have an incredible opportunity in front of us. In the world we find ourselves, many individuals choose not to participate in this adventure for fear of the responsibility. I had someone share with me recently that they are experiencing severe anxiety at the prospect of having a child because of how evil the world is, especially with the wars, the climate change crisis and poverty. So, what is the option then? Not having children due to the fear of exposure. Or should we have children precisely for that reason? As Richard mentions in our episode, if we teach our children integrity and values, they can go out into the community and make a difference. For all the amazing people who have come to the world and made a difference, there were parents who made the sacrifice of sending their children to face the monsters. Therefore, in this week's edition of EZ Reflections, I wanted to expand on the gift of parenting.

Resilience refers to an individual's ability to adapt positively during stress, adversity, or trauma. It's not about avoiding difficulties but developing the skills and emotional strength necessary to confront and effectively manage challenges. According to a systematic review published in the journal Frontiers in Psychiatry, higher resilience in children significantly correlates with fewer mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, even when exposed to adverse life events (van der Werff et al., 2021).

The Drawbacks of Overprotective Parenting

While protective parenting stems from good intentions, excessive sheltering—often labeled "helicopter parenting"—can undermine children's development. Research shows that overprotected children are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and lower self-esteem as they grow older. According to findings in the Journal of Pediatrics, overly controlled environments limit children's opportunities to develop autonomy, problem-solving skills, and emotional regulation, potentially leading to increased vulnerability to mental health challenges (Schiffrin et al., 2019).

Building Resilience in Children: Practical Steps

Encouraging resilience involves striking a balance between supporting and challenging children. Here are practical ways parents can foster resilience:

1. Promote Problem-Solving Skills: Allow children to experience age-appropriate challenges that encourage independent thinking and decision-making.

2. Teach Emotional Regulation: Help children recognize, understand, and manage their emotions effectively, enhancing their ability to cope with stress.

3. Encourage Healthy Risk-Taking: Support activities that involve manageable risks, allowing children to learn through success and failure.

4. Model Resilient Behaviors: Demonstrate healthy coping strategies during stressful situations. Children learn significantly from observing their parents’ behaviors.

5. Foster Supportive Relationships: Provide a stable, empathetic, and supportive home environment, essential for developing resilience.

The Long-Term Benefits of Resilience

Children who develop resilience demonstrate improved academic performance, greater emotional intelligence, healthier interpersonal relationships, and a stronger ability to cope with stress. According to the American Psychological Association, resilient individuals are generally more optimistic, adaptable, and successful in overcoming adversity (APA, 2017).

Conclusion

The true gift of parenting lies not in shielding children from life's adversities but in preparing them to face and grow from them confidently. By intentionally fostering resilience, we equip our children with the emotional and psychological tools necessary to thrive in an unpredictable world, ultimately enabling them to lead fulfilling, independent lives.

References:

• van der Werff, S. J., Pannekoek, J. N., & Stein, D. J. (2021). Systematic Review of Resilience in Children and Adolescents. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12, 741113. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8500371/

• Schiffrin, H. H., Erchull, M. J., & Liss, M. (2019). The effects of helicopter parenting on children’s mental health outcomes. Journal of Pediatrics, 212, 219-226. https://www.jpeds.com/article/S0022-3476(18)31576-2/fulltext

• American Psychological Association (APA). (2017). The Road to Resilience. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/09/cover-resilience
  

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