Understanding Enmeshment and Boundary-Setting

In last week's episode of EZ Conversations, I had the opportunity to explore some deep and vulnerable topics with Matt Gerlach (Listen Here). Matt shares many aspects of his childhood and how that continued to show up in his adult life until he finally decided to seek a healed version of himself. Matt also shares the fear he had around being vulnerable with his sexuality, especially sharing this with his father. Last week, I also spent time with my family and noticed childhood patterns emerging. At times, I felt triggered and realized the changes I have experienced because of healing. In my clinical work, the theme of enmeshment kept coming up fittingly. Reflecting on this, I realized how we become enmeshed in many of our relationships and how that can be debilitating.

In personal experience, I have had to set boundaries, and the beauty is that where I have not set boundaries, I have continued to experience challenging situations, almost serving as a reminder. To manage enmeshment, we must continuously work on boundary-setting. I have had to set boundaries in all aspects of my life, including work, friends, family, and myself. Setting boundaries with myself has been the hardest and one of the things that is less common. But by setting boundaries with myself, I have been able to experience aspects of my best self and hold myself accountable. While that has come with challenges, I have never had so much clarity and focus. Therefore, in this week's edition of EZ Reflections, I wanted to touch on navigating enmeshment, setting boundaries and holding oneself accountable.

Common signs of enmeshment include:

• Feeling responsible for others' emotions

• Difficulty making decisions independently

• Lack of privacy or personal space

• Feeling guilty for pursuing individual interests or needs

Statistics on Boundary Setting:

• A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 90% of Americans believe that boundaries are important for maintaining healthy relationships, yet 40% admit to having difficulty setting them.

• Another study found that individuals who regularly set and maintain boundaries report 20% higher levels of life satisfaction than those who do not.

How to Set Boundaries with Yourself

1. Self-Awareness: The first step is becoming aware of your needs, emotions, and limits. Journaling or speaking with a therapist can help clarify these aspects.

2. Define Your Boundaries: Identify what is acceptable and what is not. This might include limiting your time helping others, ensuring you have personal time, or defining your own emotional space.

3. Communicate Clearly: Please be sure to express your boundaries to others straightforwardly and respectfully. This might involve saying no to requests that infringe on your personal space or explaining why certain behaviours are unacceptable.

4. Consistency is Key: Consistently enforce your boundaries. This helps others understand and respect your limits.

5. Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote your well-being. This could be anything from physical exercise and hobbies to relaxation techniques like meditation.

References:

1. Journal of Family Psychology. (Year). Study on Enmeshment and Emotional Distress.

2. American Psychological Association. (Year). Survey on Boundary Setting.

3. Study on Life Satisfaction and Boundaries.
   

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